I was
sitting deep in the Devil’s Punchbowl on Wednesday remembering Emma and looking
for inspiration for this Eulogy. As I tried to think of clever stories and
potted histories I think I came up with the 3 things that were precious to her
- People, Places and Shared experiences, never material things, apart from the
odd diamond, aquamarine and a Honda Jazz.
She loved people, she loved going to places with people and she loved to
share experiences with people.
This is
one of these days which we always knew would come but always hoped and prayed
would never come. It seemed that Emma
would go on to beat the odds for ever. But
In the end Emma’s death was shockingly quick and none of us were ready for it,
except perhaps Emma. But In life as in
death she left with grace, beauty and incredible strength. We should all take
enormous comfort from the fact that she was out and about until the Friday
before her death, drinking prosecco and enjoying coffees, lunches and evenings
with her girlfriends. I cannot believe how blessed I was to have a chance to
say goodbye whilst we waited together for the ambulance at 4.00 a.m. on Sunday.
She told me she was ready to die and that she was not scared and what a
wonderful and happy life she had had. In true Emma fashion, she was still
making notes about her funeral at 1.15 a.m. despite severe respiratory
problems, including "no black, it's too depressing" and "no
watery instant coffee, Pimms or Prosecco much more my thing". (tray bake
ambulance story).
You may
struggle with this concept but please know that I am the luckiest man in this
church today. I got to marry Emma Quickfall,
how amazing is that, and I remained married to her for 15 years. We have three wonderful children, a lovely
family home, a cheeky little dog called Mac and enough memories for 5
marriages.
If we play
some Emma word association for a minute. There are a few words that we could never be associated with Emma: a great interest in cars, aircraft, defence
equipment, ships, trains (that’s me out then). Other phrases include: loved
getting up in the morning, laughed out loud at the telly (she rarely did that),
good chocolate mousse (never mastered that one), and other more serious words
too that you could never ever link to Emma – show-off, attention
seeker, unkind, mean spirited, victim, patient, cancer sufferer, self-pity, defined
by the disease - NEVER those words.
The words
that are forever associated with Emma are a far more interesting and engaging
list: loving mummy, wonderful wife, loving daughter, adoring sister, fun cousin,
great auntie, dedicated godmother and god daughter, loving mummy, faithful and
generous friend, marvellous mimic, quietly inspiring woman, worshipper, organiser,
class rep, linguist, marathon runner, hostess, dog walker, swimmer, NCT’er, PTA’er,
photographer, scholar, teacher, top PA, singer, pianist, oboeist, twitcher,
ballet watcher, loving mummy, card sender, book club member, Church Thursday
morning group attender, good listener, ranconteur, prosecco drinker, leg puller.
Emma was a
creator of things too: most especially wonderful
memories for all of us, but also casseroles, curries, roast dinners, Rebecca Holly Kinniburgh, dinner
parties, birthday cakes, cup cakes, canapes, James Andrew McKay Kinniburgh, triple layer carrot cakes, lemon drizzle cakes, Hannah Charlotte Kinniburgh, tray bakes, mince pies, picnics, ice cream, lemon meringue pie,
crumbles, pizzas, bread, cards, origami,
costumes.
I know I
am meant to give you potted history of Emma’s life and achievements. She was born in Royal Tunbridge Wells, Kent
the first child of Colin and Alison Quickfall and with hair like a bog brush I
seem to remember someone saying. Emma’s
first proper friend was Joanna Chieveley who is here today. Extract from Jo’s
letter……….
"As you know well, Emma was my first and my best friend...........When I met Emma, we were two - at Mrs Dell's nursery school. I remember Ems with her famous pudding bowl haircut and her blue NHS glasses. We were best of friends from the beginning. She always made me laugh - oh the giggles we had! When we were at Derwent Lodge we had lessons in the kindergarten room - Emma (only Emma!) discovered that if we sat for long enough on these soft foam orange footballs - we could change their shape completely from round balls to perfect eggs - and if we sat for longer, we could flatten them completely (guess you had to be there!). We loved playing dares too. Emma was brilliant at thinking them up - some of her classics were "I dare you to sit on the table and bark" or "do a loud fake sneeze!". She was always funny and always so very kind.
When we were at Grammar School I went away to see my penfriend for two weeks on my own. I remember she wrote me this long, funny letter to read on the plane - she made a whole 'pack of it' in a brown envelope with puzzles and games and jokes, She wrote it all to keep my spirits up - and it did - but it also made me cry as I realised I missed her so much.
I have so many wonderful memories - school, our year out in Austria (can you imagine us on those t-bar chair lifts!), Japan, Clapham....and Balham."
At Grammar
School she also became friendly with Katie who is also here. Emma always claimed to me that she wasn’t that bright she just
worked hard. However, to gain place at St
Andrews University is no easy matter.
University seemed to provide the chance for her to fly and she sang,
played in orchestras, drank quite a bit, ran committees, went to balls, drank a
bit more. I also discovered that she snogged almost all of her male friends
over a 5 year period which was nice. They all seem fairly nice chaps! She
also lived in Salzburg in Austria for a year honing her German language skills
and three months in Tours in France. She graduated with a 2:1 in French and
German including a dissertation on Der Fladermouse. Her friends from university are lifelong and
Jen (from New Zealand) and Alice (from Lichtenstein) are here representing them
today.
Emma
decided that settling down was not for her and enrolled on the Japanese
Government sponsored JET programme.
Teaching English to Japanese school children. The combination of long blonde hair, long
legs and a winning personality ensured Emma became quite a local
celebrity. However, she reached the end
of her tether when she noticed someone looking at her through binoculars as she
beat her futon. Her friends from Japan were
also life long (have you spotted a pattern yet?), Zoe, Viv (both here today), Jo
(again), Jen (again). She left Japan on
the slow boat to China with her dear friend Leslie (in California) and together
they travelled S.E. Asia and Australasia.
Emma’s brother James 21st birthday present from Emma was
diving off the Great Barrier reef in Oz. Emma eventually returned to the UK and met her close friend Keith. She worked for Hydrick and Struggles as a PA to one of the partners and then moved
to Egg the world’s first internet bank as PA to the incredible Chief Marketing
Officer Richard Duvall. She loved this job and she loved working for Richard.
We met at
a dinner party hosted by Alice. I invited myself via Jim (also here from Hong
Kong) and Emma and I hit it off immediately, she couldn’t resist my ginger
goatie!. Mulled wine party following day
(business card – Jim), hour long conversation on Christmas eve 1998. Dinner in
Jan 1999. Two very nervous pints pre Emma’s late arrival. Shared bottle of wine
in the pub, two bottles of wine in the restaurant – don’t remember what we ate,
sang to her, The Greatest Discovery from Elton John about the moment parents
introduce their first child to its baby brother.
We got
engaged in the Aug 1999, watched the sun go down on the Millenium on the end of
Lizard Point in Cornwall and were married in March 2000. We moved to Haslemere, met our wonderful NCT
friends who I think are all here today, and had Hannah in Nov 2002. Moved to Somersham, Cambs and then couldn’t wait
to get back. James nearly popped out on the Huntingdon bypass in Cambs. Moved back to Grayshott in 2006, welcomed by
our old NCT mates and the rent a social life service provided by the Duerdens,
Sue, Rosie and others. And so began our
association with Grayshott, Headley and Headley Down and Grayshott Primary
School and joining the most incredible community anyone could imagine. In August 2007 Rebecca was born and then
exactly 7 years ago we bought Mulberry Cottage.
We have been so very lucky. Lucky
to move to this area, lucky to find so many dear and lifelong friends, lucky to
live in a lovely house and lucky to live near a town with amazing doctors and
nurses and hospitals. The last 15 years
have been the happiest and most fulfilling of my life and I think were for Emma
too.
Hannah,
James, Rebecca and I will love her and miss her always and for ever, but she
shall be our guiding light throughout our lives and we will endeavour to make
her proud of us in all that we do. It has been the most incredible privilege to
have been husband to Emma for 15 years. She was so very proud of you my darlings. You will remember her and you will I hope
draw strength from Mummy’s example in sickness and in health. Look around you
today my darlings. All these people are
here to say we love you Emma. She was amazing but then you already know that.
So Emma and Mummy, we will carry you in our hearts and in our lives for ever -
how lucky we all were to have Emma in our lives.
I would
like to close with a Rabbie Burns poem:
“My
love is like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June:
My love is like the melody
That's sweetly played in tune.
How fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I;
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till all the seas gang dry.
Till all the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt with the sun;
I will love thee still, my dear,
While the sands of life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only love.
And fare thee weel awhile!
And I will come again, my love,
Though it were ten thousand mile.”
That's newly sprung in June:
My love is like the melody
That's sweetly played in tune.
How fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I;
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till all the seas gang dry.
Till all the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt with the sun;
I will love thee still, my dear,
While the sands of life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only love.
And fare thee weel awhile!
And I will come again, my love,
Though it were ten thousand mile.”
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